Papasito's

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Why hello, June.

How’d you sneak in so fast? I’m going to go back through pictures, journal- and blog-entries to take a look at what God’s been doing in me this year.

Preparation - Summer

GEM helped prepare us with a week of orientation. Thinking back over the rest of the preparation time, I was really excited, but also I was sad. I was leaving behind some comfort, familiarity, trusted friends and family... I am still so grateful for the really good times I was able to spend with people before leaving. Thanks for being so great, friends and family! :)

Arrival - September

Look how short my hair was! Weird! I was so excited to be in Poznań! I spent about the first month getting over jetlag, getting to know my GEM-Poland team, and getting to know the city. I remember how completely exhausting it was at first. Being in a new culture, and especially living where you don’t know the language is difficult! Even fun things like visiting a museum and touring the city for a few short hours left me drained. Life lesson: transition is hard!

Settling in – October

October was a big month! I had to adjust to a colder, wetter autumn with lots more outside-time. I started my Polish class and met so many AMAZING people through it! I moved into the flat I share with my favorite pair of Polish sisters, learned about the importance of flowers in Polish culture, and thoroughly enjoyed the open markets and vegetable stands within a 5-minute walk of my front door! Oh, and I got lost several times, and took happy pictures when I finally found where I was going. :) See ul. Mostowa 7 picture, for example. :)

In my journal, this month was a lot about feeling inadequate, questioning myself, comparing myself, and seeking God through that. Not only was I thinking about His sovereignty, I was thinking about His role as our father. I wrote in my journal that God said to me one morning, “It’s okay for a child… It’s okay for you… to need and ask for your Father’s affirmation.” So, no guilt in asking for assurance or affirmation. Kids unabashedly request their parents’ approval. So should God’s children!

Holidays Galore! – November

The pictures below represent lots of holidays and fun times. All Saints Day, Independence Day, American Thanksgiving… The student-looking types are all wonderful folks from FoF. And last but not least… Theresa’s mom came to visit and we all tried on the realistic armor Michael used to play the part of a Polish King at school. It was heavy!

In November I was wrestling with how to view God, but also how to view my own sin. I journaled about guilt, more self-questioning, and- just as frequently- God’s faithful reassurance. Even though I constantly question, He constantly answers.

Celebrate – December

These are some of my favorite memories! Intense shopping experience for boots, followed by ICE CREAM! In the winter! I saw impressive ice sculptures. I received Mikołaj presents from my sweet roommates. I helped make gingerbread houses with some amazing people. I had fun times at FoF. Oh, and I was treated to the BEST birthday! Tiara included! I had to hustle to make a train because I love hanging out with Theresa and Melanie too much! Also- what’s with the picture on that tiny package of pumpernickel bread? Make a sandwich with this bread… it will be so sexy! Haha. Not to mention (because I apparently didn’t take any pictures) celebrating Christmas with the Mitts and Haenze families and making my first real snowman. Is it possible that it took me 28 years to make a real snowman?? I think so. Lisa definitely had more stamina for it than I.

The month of December brought lots of fun celebrations (high highs)! And some hard news in my family, including scary news about my sister-in-law and brother’s baby Joshua being at-risk when Lucy was 26 weeks pregnant. (Very low lows.) It was only the beginning of me being very emotionally up-and-down. December was also the beginning of questioning in a new and deeper way the idea of hell and judgment. It’s really hard to think that I actually deserve hell, or that someone I love may actually go there. Is it good to proselytize? Is it even okay? Starting in December I really battled this. Meanwhile, though, I was learning more about fasting and started incorporating it regularly into my life, thanks to a really great prayer partner. :)

Happy New Year! – January

I spent New Year’s Eve with one of my favorite people- Julia, in a very cool city- Heidelberg, Germany. Excitement!! We stayed at Steffi’s hostel. Admittedly, mainly for the name and good location, but it worked out. I can recommend it! I saw a miniature German Christmas market, explored the castle and old town of Heidelberg, and thoroughly enjoyed watching the taxi driver just sitting reading the paper amidst the crazy chaos of New Year’s fireworks. January allowed time for a brief visit to Warsaw and a really great afternoon with Christina, Julia’s sister!

Unfortunately, January also brought a precipitous drop in blogging. Like, to zero. From which I never recovered, really. Which is a shame. I didn’t want to stop communicating… that was not my intention! But also, it means I didn’t process through things in the same way. And I don’t have a record of what was going on internally. My journal entries from January are also sparse. One thing I wrote about in my journal was reading through Matthew. I felt challenged by the Sermon on the Mount… Jesus says some drastic things. (Pluck out your eye? Cut off your hand?) One thing I’m sure of… All the things that started in December- big highs and lows, questioning God, struggling to have healthy habits, reading Matthew… all that continued.

Sunshine and Shadows - February

Look at all these blessings piled up in February. The hottest sleeper train ever, Siggy! Kraków, yummy food, dragons, Kórnik with Ina, friends, FoF, and travels with Theresa. She loves photos with cool shadows, like the one below with the shadow of a horse-and-rider statue, cast on a nearby building. When I look through our Kraków pictures, I see a theme of bright sunshine and unusual shadows. I think that nicely sums up the theme of February for me. The other big event from Kraków was my visit to Auschwitz-Birkenau. That, too, was a day full of beautiful sunshine, with a dark shadow cast by the unimaginable fact that 70 years ago, an industrial killing camp existed there.

February was full of joy, but was also a really hard month. For me and for the whole GEM Poland team- the other three households had unexpected travel back to the States due to loss or illness in the family.

And sadly our family experienced a big loss too. My nephew Joshua was born on February 28 and lived for only a few short hours. I was so sad to not be there. I was privileged to be included by phone and to hear my family praying and singing together. My wise and beautiful sister-in-law, Lucy, has taught me so much about the Lord, and I know she will be grieving this loss for a long time. I pray frequently for Chris and Lucy. I can’t wait to see you both and give you big hugs!

 

When in Doubt… - March

Looking back through February and March, I was writing a lot in my journal, seeking ideas from a lot of sources, and thinking. A lot. I was wrestling with big issues, though I never became coherent enough to communicate them to others. Even now I’m struggling to figure out what was (and is) in my head. But… here’s an attempt.

At first I was questioning the church, and how we “should” live as Christians. I was influenced by a friend who had experienced the church as a very us-versus-them organization. A club of insiders who wanted to keep out the unworthy. Or urgently invited in the outsiders, but had a long list of required changes for them to conform to before they could be “inside.” I had to admit that there are many outside the church who live generous, loving lives and many inside the church who hurt others deeply. When I visited Auschwitz, I realized that one brand of us-versus-them mentality had been taken to the extreme there. Gas chambers, crematoriums and enormous death camps were the result. I was also reading more about abuse in the world and realizing my apathy. I simultaneously wanted to stop being apathetic and felt so overwhelmed that I didn’t want to proceed.

I suppose if I boil it down, I was questioning God’s goodness. If the church is His body, which He loves and transforms into His holy bride… Where’s the transformation? If I’m His child who He is transforming to be like Him, where’s my transformation? Why do I still struggle with my own personal casino shacks, which are clearly not attractive, fun, or profitable? God would reassure me, the bible would answer a doubt, and the very next time I wrote in my journal I would again be questioning. On I wrestled.

It built into a new kind of doubt. I went from questioning God’s goodness, to actually doubting His existence. I read the account of the transfiguration in Matthew 17 and I just thought it seemed so crazy to believe it really happened. I wondered if all my assurance in the past had more to do with emotional experiences rather than sound reason. I had to admit I might have other motives for believing in Christianity other than its reasonableness. Maybe I felt accepted in the culture of church, and I liked the approval my relatives and church friends would give me. I heard some of the arguments from Richard Dawkins’ book God Delusion and it made a lot of sense. I read More than a Carpenter’s line of reasoning for the intellectual merits of believing Jesus, and I just couldn’t really accept it all.

Which, basically, freaked me right out. I’ve based my life on my belief in Christ. It felt absurd, exhausting, and terrifying to even be able to ask such questions. In the past I hadn’t been able to really question God’s existence. Obviously, I could conceive of the idea, but I had never been able to allow it to penetrate my mind. It only took signing up as a missionary for me to doubt God’s existence. What now?

It finally built to a crescendo, and I had to confide in someone I was afraid to tell- Theresa. A few hours later, without fanfare or emotion, I believed again. I couldn’t help it. I would try to think of my doubts, and they, again, didn’t penetrate. The shield was back up.

What a relief. I could pray again. I was not in turmoil anymore. And a couple of days later, God made my assurance deeper by unexpectedly speaking to me on a tram. First a glimpse of a beautiful blue sky with puffy cumulus clouds gave me a thrill unexpectedly. Then I was listening to my iPod on shuffle, and a song from the Christian Contemporary genre played. Forgive me, but often I skip this song if it plays. I often find it saccharine. This time, I let it play, and the lyrics (which were about Jesus conquering sin and death and saving me) overwhelmed me with their truth. I was astounded by His beauty. I think normally I don’t meditate too long on these truths because they seem too wonderful, too lofty, too good to be true. But in that moment, I saw the truth of it. And God gave me a deep thrill and simultaneous rest in my heart. I’ve experienced God’s peace and joy before, at other “tent-peg” moments. These were the moments I kept looking back to and questioning if they were just religious emotionalism. So God let me have a few days of emotionless assurance, and then He bowled me over with the deep joy and peace He wants for me.

In the meantime, we had quite a busy month. We had a team of high school students from Lubbock come for a short trip. We held an event called Bake to Bless, where we made hundreds of cookies, packaged them and handed them out. We welcomed a new team member. (Shoutout Natasha!!) And then? ESPANA! Sorry, Stace, I don’t have the tilde. You know what makes me happy, though? A ton of Staci plus Steph pictures in my photo collage. Even the obnoxious ones I made you take a ton of in Castellon. I was just excited to be there, okay? Pasion por Castellon!

Spring is in the Air! - April

More celebrations! Easter! Just after Easter, my sister came to visit me. We spent a few days in Poznań, then made our way to Prague. What a beautiful city! Plus we had the coolest hostel ever. Other April highlights included spending some time with the lovely Niina and Ellen (though never enough, sadly) and scrabble at a pub (in Polish!). Also, my dear friend Purva got married! Congratulations! I wish I could have been there to celebrate with you!

May

So since then, I’ve been assured of God’s love (true), and I’ve had no problems (slightly untrue). Here’s the thing. I had this big, important experience with God. And I had some incredibly great times with my sister. And I had lots of other really great things to be excited about.

However, then I had to leave my sister (sad!), and I had to realize that it was May (now June!) and I did not have a plan starting in July. And like I mentioned way back in December, everything has been a bit heightened for me here. Emotional rollercoaster might be a fitting way to describe it. After returning from Prague, I was overwhelmed, and checked out of life for a few days. I am so grateful to a ton of great friends who worried about me and pulled me back together. You got me through the rough patch at the beginning of the month, so I could enjoy all the beautiful things coming my way for May! Book club with Karen! Camping in Gniezno at the PIC ALIVE retreat! A fun day away with Theresa and Lisa! Model of the Santa Maria at 1/5 scale?? Who knew?!

 

And Beyond!

So, one thing I would say after reviewing all this hulabaloo is that God is very patient with me. And so are you if you’re still reading. Seriously, going back through my journal is kind of painful, because there’s this really amazing pattern of me questioning, God assuring. Me whining, God answering. Me lacking trust, God being totally faithful. It’s a great encouragement to me to see how much God has spoken into my life this year. Somehow it’s easy to forget.

So… The question everyone will ask… WHAT NOW?? Well, first I have to finish packing. Then I get to be a tourist in Italy! Then, only God knows. I will be back in the DFW/OKC areas for the summer. After that is yet to be determined. I have some exploring to do, and I’ll keep you posted.

Grace and peace be with you all!

Spring Prayer!

Hi friends and prayer partners!

Our GEM-Poland team fasts and prays together on the first Monday of each month. Once a quarter, we want to make a special effort to join with prayer partners around the world in praying for Poland, Europe, and the world. This month our team will begin our fast at 6pm (Warsaw time) on Sunday April 3rd and break our fast at 6pm Monday April 4th.

Did you hear that? April! Which means it’s been three months since January. That’s a whole QUARTER, folks! Which means… it’s time for me to ask if we can pray together! Now, under the present circumstances, I think it would be wasteful to actually physically get together to pray. So, here’s what I propose. Let’s try for as close to in-person as we can achieve. Would you be willing to…

• pray with me by skype?
• pray with me by phone?
• commit to praying on your own at a certain time?
• commit to fasting one meal or up to 24 hours with us?

Please let me know at shhtef @ gmail if you will be joining me in prayer. There is a lot to pray for! Check out this list.

Greater Europe Mission

Continuing to Pray in the Midst of Incredible Change
As we continue to pray in the midst of some incredible events in our world, here are three websites that can help us in our efforts for North Africa:
http://www.pray4tunisia.com
http://www.pray4libya.net
http://www.prayeurope.com 

GEM-Poland

• Pray that God would raise up a new generation of church planters who are willing to take risks and try radically new approaches, as well as that the leadership in Polish churches would fall in love with Jesus.
• Pray that people in Poznań would sense their need for God.
• For the GEM-Poland team itself, pray for unity, community, that we would live contagious Christian lives and that we would have ministries of multiplication.

Doug & Lisa

Pray that the men Doug is working with will disciple others and catch a vision to reach their city for Christ.
Pray that God would continue to open doors for Lisa to be able to share Christ with the lost.

Paul and Karen

Pray that Paul would have God's leading as he prepares to lead a session on Church Planting Movements at the upcoming Hope for Europe Conference.

Theresa

Pray for a special friend of Theresa's to become a Christian.

Stephanie

Pray for me to have sensitivity to the Spirit, moment by moment. Also thank God with me that I get to leave first thing in the morning for Espana to see mi hermana!! Jestem bardzo podekscytowana!!

Natasha

Natasha is our newest team member. She arrived less than two weeks ago! She immediately moved in with a Polish family to work as an au pair. Pray for Natasha's transition, which has been pretty tough for her. Pray that communication with her host family is clear and effective. She also asks that we pray that she is a really bright light to the family!

 

It would be a real encouragement to me and to our team to hear back from many brothers and sisters praying with us. So even if you simply commit to praying for us on your own schedule, will you let me know? 

Thanks friends!

In other news… I’ve been having tons of fun with some really amazing people here in Poznań. As evidence I only have pictures from one event. One little part of an event, actually. But look how much fun that was! Jealous? :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the scoop check out our Foundation of Faith blog.

Happy spring!!

Praises!

In the midst of a personally challenging season, God is still God, and He is still working. A couple of weeks ago, our Poland team had the pleasure of hosting a team of high school students from Lubbock, TX who came to share the gospel and the love of Christ with Polish students.

They shared a drama, songs, smiles, love, and the gospel in Poznań schools, a home for patients with Alzheimer’s, a home for youth, and a school for the deaf. They also held gatherings in the evening. Polish teens they met during the day were invited to come hang out, eat pizza, play silly games, and have further discussions about Christ.

During this incredibly brief trip, four young women chose a personal relationship with Jesus! Amazing!

Our team is able to follow-up with these girls, and already they have felt opposition from their families and friends. We were especially praying that their parents would allow them to participate in a bible study group. Already, He has answered these prayers and these girls will soon start a bible study with one of our team members. Wooohoo!

Please join us in praying for these new believers, and for the Spirit to continue to move. Especially in other Polish students who heard the gospel through the Texan team, as well as teachers who heard and showed interest to members of our team. May we be multiplying, contagious Christians, who know the true Hope and the true Light!

Time flies…

I know, I know. It’s been, like, two months since I posted one single thing. I hope you’ll forgive me! The holidays really got blogging out of my routine, and it seems like life has just been go-go-going since then. It’s not that I didn’t expect to eventually find blogging difficult, but I hope to get back to it all regular-like soon. :)

Right now I can post this brief, unsatisfying look at what I’ve been doing. But I seriously have tons of ideas/questions/perspective changes/potential blogs swirling around in my head and in files on my compie. I don’t know how many blog posts I’ve started, only to pause to try to figure out how to be coherent, and then never come back to them. I intend to post a philosophical, long-winded, question-filled post soon! Lucky you! In the meantime…

Things I’ve tried since the New Year…

-Taking a sleeper train. Not so bad!

- Visiting Germany! Shoutout Heidelberg!

-Dancing salsa with a Latin man. (Shoutout Roberto! Really sad you won’t be in class anymore! But hope you can still make it to hangout sometimes.) Hopefully if I get to repeat this experience, I’ll do better next time. I wasn’t very good. :)

-Zumba. Coralanne, I need you to get back in town! I forgot how to go to the gym by myself! Not really, but it’s nice to have a partner. :)

-Ringing in the New Year with incredulity due to massive amounts of inebriated people shooting off immense fireworks. Seriously? It sounded like a war movie.

-Traveling with Theresa. Such fun! Let’s do it again, shall we?

-Traditional Polish dish bigos, and traditional Polish beverage grzane piwo. Shoutout Christina and Edward! Thanks for a fantastic day!

-Visiting Warsaw. See previous item. :)

-A sauna. Sitting in a room at 80C? It’s not THAT cold here.

-Jogging… jury’s still out on that one.

-Standing on a lake. The second time it looked more frozen, so I even walked out on it a little!  People were riding bikes on it. And by “it”, let’s not forget, I mean a LAKE. Weird!

-Hailing a cab. 15 złoty well-spent.

-Learning about WWII. I visited Auschwitz-Birkenau. 1.3 million people were held captive. One million one hundred thousand of them were killed. This is part of why I can’t come up with a coherent, thoughtful blog post. How does one process Auschwitz?

-Visiting Kraków. Or, as it’s apparently written in English, Cracovia. But I’m going to keep writing Krakow, probably. Sorry, T.

-A totally unnecessary tram or bus on a Sunday afternoon.

-Taking advantage of the freeness of Poznań’s museums on Saturdays.

-Mystery Dinner Party! Yay!

-Wearing my woefully neglected dresses while still in Polish winter. I discovered why it’s not so unreasonable to see girls in skirts, hose, and boots that altogether seem to leave a lot of leg exposed to cold. Because they wrap their head and neck so well, it actually isn’t too cold, I think. Still looks funny, though.

-Cooking dry beans. Totally easy. And yum! Black beans!!

 

No wonder time has been flying. Just look at all that fun!

2011?!?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! I can't believe it's going to be 2011 in three days!
I hope your holiday celebrations were as fun as mine! I was truly blessed and had a great time here in Poznań with the Mitts and Haenze families. Now I'm looking forward to ringing in the new year in Germany! With one of my FAVORITE people from home!! I'm so excited! 
One thing I said when I arrived in Poland was that I thought this year was as much about what I had to learn as it would be about serving or helping other people. And, certainly, I've found that I have a LOT to learn! One of the things God is teaching me about is the value and discipline of prayer, and of fasting.
I have a request for you to consider. GEM missionaries and partners set aside the first Monday of each month to pray and fast.  My team and I agreed at our last meeting that we would love to involve our prayer supporters. Would you consider helping me kick off my day of prayer and fasting by praying with me on Sunday, January 2nd, 2011? (2011... weird!)
You can expect a 15-30 minute block of time, and expect that we spend it mostly in praying rather than, say, catching up. :) If you are free sometime between 1pm-4pm Central time on Sunday, January 2nd, and if you're interested in a prayer-call, please let me know.
Email me at shhtef@gmail.com and tell me...

1. which part of that window (1pm-4pm central, January 2nd) are you available?
   
2. should I call? What number? Or should I skype? What's your skype name?
   
3. what are your personal prayer requests? (Like I said, I plan to keep our catching up/prayer requesting to a minimum, so communicating about it before will be nice! Make the email as long as you want!)

In the future, this will hopefully fall on a more convenient weekend, and I can email you back a for-sure time. Since I’ll be out of town, you probably won’t hear back until I call you on Sunday!
Whether or not you can pray with me via technology this Sunday, please keep our GEM-Poland team in your prayers. Here are our most recent requests:
GEM-Poland (my team): We as the GEM-Poland team are all praying for a movement of the Spirit. Pray with us that we find people of peace in whom God has already been working, and for leadership in the Polish churches to fall in love with Jesus.
Haenze family -  Pray for restored health! Paul still has internal injuries because of falling on icy stairs and Karen is still fatigued from fighting pneumonia.
Mitts family - 
*       That we would walk in step with the Spirit.  We desire to join God where He is already working in seeking those that are lost and are ready to hear the Gospel. *       That we would continue to be faithful in discipling disciple makers. *       That God's Spirit would pour out on Poland and Europe and that we would see signs of a church planting movement in the near future.
Theresa - Pray for a special friend to become a Christian.
Stephanie - Pray for the hearts of friends to be open to hearing the gospel and obeying God's word. And continue to pray for my brother Chris, sister-in-law Lucy, and nephew, Joshua, who is in the womb, (and kicking a lot his mom says!) but has severe abnormalities and is not expected to survive.

Graffiti

So, there’s a substantial amount of graffiti around Poznań. Most of it is quite ugly, just scrawled words/letters. None of it means much to me, because it’s not English-based graffiti. :)  However, I wish the people who create it would just… not.

But the other day I got on the tram, and even though someone had defaced tram-company property, I had to smile.

 

Can you see it? Someone carved adorable dog silhouettes from the tinting on the windows. Ha! And it was on every window in the tram! Happy! My favorite is the one hanging from the top of the window, ears flapping and carefree! So, Fonzie, Jet, this one’s for you! Miss you adorable little guys!